Creativist Society

Relationships: The First “R” (and a fount of creativity)

By Tim Mantyla

“Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.”

  —Let There Be Peace On Earth, words and music by Jill Jackson Miller and Sy Miller

School traditionally taught the Three “R”s, reading , writing and ‘rithmatic. That’s shorthand for “the basics.” But there’s an essential, far more basic skill missing from those three—an unconscionable omission: Relationships.

What would our lives be like if schools taught Four “Rs”? It’s hard to argue that things would be worse. And it’s likely that if everyone had continual training in relationships skills from the earliest age up through college, we would each constantly make our world markedly better by preventing and resolving conflicts. Maybe we could create a world close to idyllic.

Actually, relationships should be the first “R” taught in schools. (There is much more to a great education than three or four “R”s—but that topic is beyond the scope of this article.) Without relationships, we can’t get along with each other and achieve—but even more importantly, humanity as we know it not exist.

It’s often said that humans are “social creatures.” But what does that mean? It has profound implications for what we should learn, and the fact that we are social determines what we are able create. Sociability has vastly expanded what is possible for us individually and collectively over the abilities of other, not-so-social creatures.

Humans are not strong enough, smart enough, fast enough or armored (as in armadillo or an ant) to withstand our environment alone. Consider the example of the 24-year-old man who ventured alone into Alaska and starved to death, as portrayed in the film Into the Wild. The collective knowledge a tribe or village or society gathers and passes on, the specialized work each member does, and the protective and sustaining power of numbers keep us alive and help us thrive. Living totally alone affords a very poor and dangerous life—and virtually assures a quick and painful death.

In order to build and achieve with others, and to resolve conflicts, we need a Golden Rule or primary guideline to live by: “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” All good things come from this notion, the primary guideline in relationships. Even in the TV series Star Trek, the members of the United Starfleet space voyagers’ so-called Prime Directive when contacting other worlds was to avoid interference in their affairs – shorthand for “live and let live.” This concept parallels Westphalian sovereignty, the notion that each nation-state must be independent in its affairs; states must not interfere in the affairs of other states.

The word relationship here is universally broad; it means all relationships. These include relationships with, within and between all the communities we touch and are touched by: ourselves, our friends, families, neighbors, villages, counties, states, regions, nations; and groups, governments, companies, nonprofits, nongovernmental organizations (NGOs), schools and other entities.

Community is a wide-ranging concept with many overlapping, multidimensional levels. Healthy relationships form the heart of all functional, healthy communities.

Relationships drive creativity

Our creativity also depends on relationships. We often think of creativity as being an individual skill. Indeed it is—but it grows and thrives in the context of relationships. Has anyone ever seen a creative artist, songwriter, builder, architect, visionary, or leader  arrive out of the woods, raised by wolves?

Without others to learn from, share ideas with and collaborate with, there would be little lasting creativity; everything would have to constantly, laboriously reinvented. Almost all energies would be channeled into mere survival instead. And no humans would exist, not as we know ourselves today.  We would be fear-struck, self-serving animals, solitary and unable to use the wealth of potential we possess in our minds.

In sum, all of our societies, structures and achievements (even our ideas)—as well as our great debacles, wars, genocides, crimes and other horrors—exist because of the quality of our relationship skills—or lack thereof.

World without war—a welcome WWIII

Imagine a world in which every person is an expert in conflict prevention and resolution, negotiation, “timing out” in arguments, self-understanding, and trying to understand one another.

Imagine schools teaching Relationship skills as the First “R.” This is the first step in creating a war-free world. People who are bullied often bully. Victims of abuse and crime lash out and create more crime, violence and abuse.

We would live in a world largely free of violence, domestic abuse, bullying, crime, victimization, profiteering and other persistent social problems.

And we would live in a war-free world.

Conflict does not equal war

But a war-free world does not mean we can or should eliminate conflict. Conflict arises from our own needs crossing paths with those of others—including forces of nature and other creatures, as well as our environment.

But out of conflict, if we resolve it fairly and equitably, arise new partnerships, new understanding and new beginnings.

In short, conflict—when addressed constructively—produces growth, learning, maturity and prosperity.

Conflicts are a permanent force in our world. Each of us needs to learn to understand ourselves, and try to use our talents to meet the needs of others. By doing so, we offer something good that others value, and will pay us for. This is the essence of partnership and service. Partnership and service are the building blocks of society and of sustainability.

Connect with others who are like-minded, and try your best to understand those who are not—and reach out to them with good will. You will find conflicts turning more to partnerships, and find more satisfaction in living. A nation of people skilled in relationships will be the first nation to create lasting peace.

Let’s create a world in which relationships are primary. Start by promoting a relationships curriculum in schools and in your community groups. Schools are primary for teaching children, as it’s where people are first, and continually through college, taught social behaviors to connect with our communities.